Twitter makes things weird

Hello

Every time I post on here I feel a bit dum as I don't do this regularly and nobody reads it. But I think perhaps that it gets things off of my chest.

Last night I went to see Josie Long doing an Edinburgh warm up gig. Which was great. AND it's nearly Maddy's birthday (I don't think she'll see this) and one of her presents is Josie Long's DVD.

Her main present is a laser measuring tool which she already has for her Bat Phd.

Anyway, I thought it would be nice to get Ms. Long to wish her Happy Birthday on it.

So I meandered up and asked if she would. But then had amongst the most awkward conversations I have ever had. Now I should make it very clear that she was LOVELY and my awkwardness was caused entirely by me. I just wanted to mention it because I found my psychology kind of interesting.

Because on the one hand what I wanted to do is say hello, thank her and congratulate her on being great in the same way you might anybody whose work you appreciate. And get a DVD signed to make a present a bit more special. Slightly embarrassing but basically fine.

Only if she were a chef or something I wouldn't be following her on Twitter which weirdly added a subtext. A part of my brain was pinging the, "oh it's your mate Josie, go say hi to Josie she'll be happy to see you". On twitter you slowly learn about people and they talk in a more inclusive manner than on stage so it starts to feel a bit like you know them especially if you actually interact occasionally. Obviously other parts of my brain know the difference but I think something links into that part of your brain that you use for people you know.

So, for instance I happen to know that she went to LMH but can't remember exactly why. And when she asked what age maddie is and said that she's the same age(1) I saw the link that they were at Oxford at the same time. So I mention this and that is the awkward bit because the non-friend part of my brain is sat there saying, {how do you know where this stranger went to Uni that is weird}, and the other side is saying, {cos she's josie of course you know where she went to Uni}. So I became quiet and weird punctuated by attempts by the friendly part of my brain to wrestle control, "oooo but I went to LMH but for my doctorate" {shut up it's weird that you know that about her it just sounds like you're showing off that you got a dphil from oxford} {no it doesn't I'm just chatting with josie} and so i quieten up again. say thanks and walk off feeling like a dick.

Now I'm exaggerating the inner monologue, it wasn't so stark.. obvs... but that is essentially what was going on I think. It clearly isn't the most interesting interaction in the world and I'm sure few people would be interested in it. But I'm still a little embarrassed that I acted like a strange 'un and am also embarrassed that I'm embarrassed.

I am extraordinarily self conscious so it may just be my stupid brain that thinks like this. But I suspect that twitter might have this effect on other people when meeting people they're fans of.

(1) Incidentally I accidentally got Maddy's age wrong. I realised as soon as I said it out loud but it is such an awful thing to get your girlfriend's age wrong that I just left it. I have an excuse, Maddy recently said I'm 28..... in a month. .. So I looked into my head and it screamed I'm 28 so i added one for the birthday.